I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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