I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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