im having a threesome with these popsicles
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
COCAINE IS GR8
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
