Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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