Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You've changed since you got that strap on
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
