There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
