I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
