he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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