i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
