So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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