your thong is hanging out like whoa
You're so nebulous sometimes
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
