I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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