i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I forget how to act sober
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
