My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
