Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
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Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
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its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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