My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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