just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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