peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
