Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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