you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
