so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
