i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
