I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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