Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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