it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
