last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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