I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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