I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
