Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
