so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
