I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
