I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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