I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
