OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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