I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
