I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
