Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
