somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I have fence marks all over my body
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