never play flip cup with pint glasses
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
