I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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