I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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