Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
