i was born a porn star she said
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
