Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
