elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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