she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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