don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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