you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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