he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
