If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I want a musical about memes.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
