sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
