My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
