I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
