Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Someone stole a lamp last night.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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