I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
