Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
