You just made me feel so damn special
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
