You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize