This is not my ceiling
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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