my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
