OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
