What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
