Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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