I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Even the bartender felt bad for me
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
