just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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