I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
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