I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
