he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
