i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize